That blackeyed peas song was on, so I thought that was prediciting tonight was going to be a good night. And then my garage door opner fell and hit me in the head.
I literally just copy and pasted that from another bbm convo bc I'm far too stoned to explain that again.
I can't lisssten to Lou Holtzsss ssspeak anymore
y-o-u-r-e = you are, y-o-u-r = your. you are a bag of douche not your bag of douche. if you're going to insult me at least do it in proper english. that is all.
you will always have a special place in my vag
the can pyramid on my head actually reached a decent height before I moved.
someone who i have in my phone as thundercock just said he was DTF
I'm going to have to take an awkward trip to the front desk to ask them if they found a pair of turquoise shorts and an "I'm the Mom" sweatshirt.
You pulled out a fucking recorder and started playing along with all the songs on your playlist and refused to hit the j
Dude. Going to the Theme park the day after the 4th of July was the worst idea I've ever had.
It's Breast Cancer Awareness Month!!!! What random hook up should check my tata's this year?!?!
I smoked all his weed and he hasn't noticed yet. But I might need a place to crash when he does
I just started talking about how noodles were so good
Just waxed 95% of the hair off my vag. If he doesn't enjoy this tonight, you will, whether you like it or not.
I'm on someone's yacht. I don't know who. But I'm on it. There's a guy passed out in a kilt holding bagpipes. Help.
Dude I just woke up with a dog sleeping on me.
I thought you didnt have a dog??
Exactly.
Randomize
