Bar closing I am hiding in the bathroom. do you think anyone will find me?
so last night my mother drunkenly told me that maybe the reason why I want to be a vet was because I was conceived doggy style.
I can't go out tonight I need to save my money for important things.....like rogaine and ecstasy.
did all my christmas shopping this morning at 4am drunk. never went to sleep. i was walking home drunk last night when i passed a target and saw 3 kids having a dance off. had to join. somehow they convinced me to go shoopping with them. i bought 4 disco balls and a lava lamp.
I just found out my birth date is Pick Your Poison Day. Goodbye, conscience, forever. I was born to live like this.
Please stop using the dehumidifier for your weed.
I found out that they tried to reenact the Snooki drop by using a jump rope and the banister. Pictures say it all.
Your cum is still running out of me. I pity the next person that tries these jeans on....
She just landed. Popped over for a BJ and left. I'm a fan of layover layovers.
laying naked on couch sucking water through straw. i can still feel the orgasm from last night. thank you mdma.
We haven't even eaten dinner yet and she's already been asked to "take it down a notch" by the groom's mom.
I'm at the bar, forgot my pants. Everyone's over reacting
He woke up, yelled "RALLY!" and then puked in my glove compartment
the last thing I remember is taking a pull of ever clear and chasing it with vodka
Just had a small freak out because I couldn't get my bra unhooked and thought I was gonna be stuck in it forever.
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