can you pick up canola oil? she lives by wegmans
who is canola oil?
you're an idiot.
Her little brother was home, so we had to hook up while playing hide and seek with him
was stoked on phone sex until he started reciting lines from star wars
At lowes after workin outside. Kid behind me says "mommy that man smells like a taco" yes she was talking about me.
That's like rubbing a penis in my face and not giving it to me.
We uncovered another pile of vomit after you left. And i am not talking about the one in the vase
Can you give me a hickey quick? Im going to a white trash themed party. Completely serious
He just told me the blow job I gave him was like a journey
At one point they were sandwiching me, both petting my stomach, mad dogging each other. Then they somehow telepathically decided to both try to pull my pants down. Such nice guys.
I just gave her a sobriety test in the middle of the baking aisle.
And the results, officer?
She's fucked.
I haven't been sober in 4 days.
Then be sober
No.
When we were having sex last night, I told him I would replace him with tacos
I just found out my younger brother has me saved in his contacts as "Womb Primer" and I don't know what to do with this information
He makes furniture for a living and is basically a hot, younger Ron Swanson
I cant promise hot guys but i can promise alcohol which is close enough.
Randomize
