You kept buying everyone Washington apple shots, and telling us we needed to support local produce.
he just payed for our date, after telling him I was leaving early to meet my fuck buddy. is there something lower than friendzone I can stick this guy in?
the fucking easter bunny is here. he just made 3 cups in a row. no one knows who he is..
He googled "how long will i be drunk" and just started crying
My vagina senses are tingling. I know your here.
I don't know where Tiffany is but I just saw her shoes in the bar lost and found
hi sober isdnt real. this is a mass rtoomate taext i thing. bye
AMAZING.
I'm seeing how long I can hold this wine in my mouth. I have so many adventures! I'm like Teddy Ruxpin!
I'm pretty sure every guy I've been with this weekend has made a solid attempt at getting me pregnant...
We were apparently using marine hand signals to communicate to one another where to meet up in the house to hook up.
Didn't even know I knew marine hand signals.
Will you bring a case of beer down to the hot tub? Me and Phil don't want to feel feelings anymore
Sometimes you've gotta crawl to stay concious
I will run into the sunset with a fist full of condoms.
Eating pizza in the bath tub while watching a romantic comedy alone. I reached a new level of single.
at the hospital. Kevin drank straight from the river
Randomize
