My mouth tastes like defeat. Did he at least have money?
Should I hook up with a slut its your call
Yes. Wrap it. If you dont have a condom do it anyway. YOU ONLY LIVE ONCE.
I'm praying to Jesus, Allah, Buddah,and the whole gang tonight that I'm not pregnant
on of the only things i remember was the security guard told me i was too drunk for laser tag.
The Ukrainian kid just told me that our econ professor wants to bone me. Please tell me that phrase means something different in Eastern Europe.
If I die tonight. Just know that chicken I made fuckin ruled. Recipe: Chicken with a shitload oF spice
He told me I was a pleasure to arrest. That's the 2nd time I've heard that.
I just found out via Facebook that my old dorm room is now the free condom distribution room on campus...IT'S LIKE THE UNIVERSE KNOWS!
Lol no. She's home safe. You forget she is too pretty to get arrested.
Dad stumbling and puking in the White Castle parking lot = Father's Day success
My bad man. I was at a strip club, and apparently it's like a big deal to take your phone out in one of those places.
I'm excited for you as you venture towards new drug experiences
if you're the one who put those dollar bills in my bra last night, thank you because I just used that money to get myself a coffee
I expect you will be there for a drunken 3way with my husband again this new year.
Our livers are going to hate us.
It's okay, they're regenerative. God wanted this.
Randomize
