you can still come hang out if you want
I really don't feel like watching you play video games
why did i make a hit list last night containing only McDonalds?
you tried to order a magarita mcflurry and when they said they didnt make those you tried to call 911
these 2 russian guys walked past me and i got freaked out because i thought call of duty got real
Just got to costco. Where are you?
Liquor aisle, bring another cart.
I dont know why people are racist. Both the mexicans and the irish gave us holidays where everyone drinks on a wednesday.
As I was driving her home she congratulated each and every deer we saw for making it through the first day of dear season.
just had an awkward elevator run in with that guy you puked on
When you accidentally type "I want Prince William to fuck me in the ass" to your mom there's really no way to take that back.
Its ok. I handled the situation with grace and class. lol jk i got shitfaced and fucked his roomate.
Someone fucked up, the stop Kony day is on 4/20,
When did I go from having sugar daddies to being one? And does it count as a tax write off?
Bad Decision October is in full swing. I was telling people that "I put on eye makeup today, I'm takin' a dude home with me!".
Yah... You need to get here. Evan just peed off the karaoke stage.
with great strapon comes great responsibility.
I forgot to tell you, that tinder guy literally lives 15 floors beneath me. I have been creepily saying things to him like "I see youve got a hammer on the patio"
Randomize
