u know ur drinking tonight lol i dont know why you try to deny it
but i dont wanna get emotional and drunk text
then give me ur phone
NEVER!!
I don't know how this happened but I got an email thanking me for being a Waffle House regular. HOW DO THEY KNOW?? Maybe I need to stop going there shitfaced.
I've been practicing for you. Including stockpiling medical supplies for curing hangovers.
I want a nosebag of coke after my exam. Like what horses have. Coked up horses. No excuses. I love you.
i think if i got caught drinking at work i could get away with it if i started crying and saying my cat just died. as long as i'm confident.
At least you have booty calls.
True. I just waste them though. I feel like I need to be told "there are people in this world who would give anything for just one and you have two." You know in that same tone your parents told you about the starving people in china
If I walk in on you beating off, at least have the fucking decency to STOP BEATING OFF!
the cashier ate half of our fries before she gave them to us so i think it's safe to say they don't do drug testing there
I can't tell if I have the Pizza Hut shits or beer shits
Seriously I'm dying. All my insides are fighting their way out of me. With light sabers and machetes.
The cup holder in my recliner holds a whole bottle of wine. That's definitely a sign.
Do exhausted, barely concealed hand jobs count as joining the mile high club?
How the fuck did he think me asking about the possibility of a threesome was a rhetorical question?
You’re welcome stay at my house. But, you gotta piss in the toilet
....even the bartender was embarrassed for her
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