am i at home because theres a dig starrrrring at me and i dont know wit plus i haer sirens. run fast.
me and this guy in my office just exchanged an "i saw you at a drag show last night" look as he passed by my desk.
I'm starting to think The only feelings I have anymore are drunk and hung over
you can't hurt those
I knew she was going to get knocked up just by looking at her facebook pics
yeah, its right past the deli mart where i showed my right tit for mozzarella sticks.
Now that I've lowered my makeout age to 21 I have a whole new sea to fish in.
So it looks like you may be an uncle real soon. Don't ask how I feel about it and don't text me back.
stuck in the elevator with that hot guy from the 3rd flood. Worried he can smell my spray tan and desperation
then you said,"Take this damn cabbage!" although it was actually your shirt. i found you in the elevator of his building.
also, just kill me. literally hit me with a vehicle, or an aircraft, something that will ultimately make me forget tonight.
Found my id. It was in the cats litter box. Seriously what was last night.
it's gotten to the point where I just look in my closet, think, "which article of clothing behaves most like a towel?" and then just go with that
FML I accidentally sent the text about his bruised balls as a group text that included his brother and my boss.
Either my boss has an enormous dick or he’s hiding a can of tennis balls in his bike shorts
Maybe I will go to the company picnic
Trying to decide if I'm relieved or disappointed that I didn't receive any fuck boi calls on nye
Randomize
