I'm drinking on the job... HEAVILY
We're like a lot better than the average bears
and then she yelled "im going to fuck the next guy that walks by me". so ya thats how i lost my virginity
I decided that $2 and a kiss on the cheek was a great tip for the pizza girl. No one is REALLY sure how much I've have to drink.
So you had sex with my brother?
It sounds like you dont need me to answer that.
Eating a muffin with a knife and fork. Hangovers have hit a new low.
It was sunday, you had a camel back of bloody mary stumbling around a dog park with no dog.
It's amazing I mean I blew that senator just for him to deny me marriage.... Politics suck and he swallowed!
The alcohol just runs so smoothly thru my veins.
I saw a shooting star while he was eating me out at 3am by my neighbors pool. Doesn't get more magical than that
Apparently I give handjobs in my sleep. So that's interesting.
I've had sex with three people who have this birthday.
You know you've been on Tinder too long when you're the guy cropped out of the profile pic. Of a woman you're still seeing...
Do you think it's illegal to drive without your pants on?
she is currently in the shower drinking a beer and dancing to a song called "the penis song" my roommate is cooler than yours
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