Stop it. You sound like you're giving birth.
hey can i play with your boom stick tonite? I'll let you shoot the love of jesus in my face.
come over
he's like a stage 5 clinger and he won't even fuck me. he has to be gay. my personality isn't really THAT great.
he called me back to his office so he could lick a line of pixie stick off of my thigh
be sure to add "office slut" to your resume
The calves of my jeans are covered in jello shots from Sunday, how desperate do I have to be before I start licking them?
If for no other reason than to cuddle with that puppy, you have to hook up with him again.
He wants to hookup..at the fair..this is our chance to leave him stranded with no clothes.
Just made out with a girl I dated in high school, and she told me her girlfriend likes me. I like where this is going.
He said, "cum on daddy's dick!" ... I pictured my dad. That just scarred me for life.
note to self: do not snort crushed up caffeine pills in the bathroom by yourself when ur super shit faced, ur face will fucking hate you in the morning.
I'm drunk, laying in bed, eating macaroni salad. I dropped a piece and tried to pick it up with a fork. My cleavage is bleeding and I haven't been laid yet. Heeeyyyy!!!
do you think me going to the gyno dressed as a cat is inappropriate?
Honey you are a beautiful woman but I came over to eat your pizza and fuck your brother. And you're out of pizza.
I already popped my bottle of Rose and took my boxers off. No can do muchacho
How's the party?
I'm watching two people get flogged. Sothere's that.
Randomize
