dude, the building's fire alarm was going off for over an hour last night and you didn't move
that's ok, when I'm passed out drunk I'm impervious to flame
last night he was wasted watching Entourage and changed everyone in his phone book to LLOYD!!!!
I know it's getting bad when I wash the bong more often then the dishes
I bought canned wine on a clearance aisle at the liquor store... I feel like I'm living in an episode of It's Always Sunny.
He freaked out when I started to orgasm. He said he never knew girls could orgasm too.
Maybe. This hangover is made of nightmares and that thing from the Alien movies.
drunk freshman in the bathroom puking keeps saying "i'm a peasant" over and over
Relationships are fuckin' work. And you can't just up and leave with no questions when you really just need to get home because you're about to shit your pants.
You're so wise.
He was so hammered. He called the cops on the landscapers he thought they were trespassing. 2 were arrested on warrants.
Well, my family didn't see me in my drunken super slut state at Summerfest, so there must be a God.
I'm going to be drunk and braless all weekend. Let the festivities begin!
All I have in my new place is coke and a treadmill.. it's workout Wednesday
I walked into my room last night at 4 am and there's a random dude in his boxers eating oatmeal on my futon. I looked at him and went to bed
After my shift today I'm going on a bender. Not saying this so you'll stop me, just a heads up to invest in Tylenol, Gatorade, and Jack
Guy just rode past on a lowrider bike smoking a blunt, I want his life
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