We're pretty sure the 'pocket' aspect of the hot pocket is unnecessary. Testing our theory now.
Apparently I masturbate in my sleep now.
I tried to pay my bar tab with my gym membership card. Twice.
Oh yes. The girl who wanted me to watch her pee.
Ways to know you did something wrong: you sugar-coated it for your therapist.
Jus posted an album so big that it takes my manhood into question
Just got my period. This just makes my beach escapade totally even that much more ok.
Finally considering to keep my landing strip before I have sex.. I feel like It makes me look mature.
it's a gatorade, cheez its, and regret kind of morning....
Freshmen girls are like potato chips you can't have just one.
He tried to spell out "PROM?" in his cum on my stomach during sex. It was terrible
well did you say yes?
It's definitively the wine. Every time I can drink and work I feel like I win at the game of life.
She just asked if I wanted to eat nachos off of her boobs... I'm going to marry this girl.
I hooked up with a guy dressed up as morning wood. Needless to say he lived up to his costume.
I’m literally lecturing this class on professionalism, while my body is undoubtably covered in leftover cum from last night. I’m a fucking role model.
Randomize
