Just gargled Fireball to get the fish taco taste out of my mouth. Almost as good as gum.
Desperate + desperate does not equal a fun night.
don't get me wrong, i love how you're fun and free spirited. but there are some situations...like shooting down a bottle of sambuca standing in the shallow end topless surrounded by my friends
i guess it wasn't a booty call since he got home from the club at 6:00 am... he told me to consider it morning sex
If we were to wake in ur bed together, what are the 3 words you would say to me?
Get out now.
On the bright side I got 500 American Express points paying for the abortion
I watched her choke out a bouncer with the broken strap from her purse, I think shes the one.
Going home with an argentinian named sulvio. Ill let you know how it goes.
"I wasn't planning on buying a chicken, but I bought it anyway." --some guy on the bus with a chicken
"Yeah, I only have nine toes." --that same guy
Bake him heart shaped cookies?!? Send him a picture of your tits like an ADULT!
Last thing I remember is ranting about hating pants. Woke up this morning pants less. Couldn't find them, decided to leave. Driving without pants is surprisingly liberating.
Best case scenario: sex with hot bartender \nWorst case scenario: no sex and punched by tattooed guy that may or may not be said bartenders boyfriend.
I'm not even the least bit surprised that I whored myself out for tiramisu
Just found $31 in my desk drawer. In $1's. WTF happened last night?!
I would but he’s not speaking to me because I put ketchup in his socks.
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