Reflecting on last night, I'm not sure if making out with a 43 y/o married woman at Bernie's after the Cubs game was my best life decision...
made out with the bouncer to distract him from how illegitimate my fake id is.
stranger just walked up to the fridge at the party, took the hawaiin punch out, drank it straight from the bottle, looked at everyone who stared in awe and said "im fucking thirsty" and put it back.
I don't know what's more sad having a rewards account at a liquor store or already racking up 273 dollar points since january
Just think of all the blizzard sex people are having right now
normally i would apologize for my drunk texting but even sober me agrees.
He told everyone he was freezing their keys so they couldn't drive drunk. When I opened the freezer this morning, my keys were at the bottom of an unfrozen ice cream tub of vodka.
did i send you the picture of me smiling with the magnum wrapper?
Have bite marks on my arm where my temporary tat was Saturday night. Did someone try to bite Captain America or something?
One of the many mysteries surrounding the weekend...
He's the stereotypical redneck. He tried to go kayaking during a storm and almost got into a fight when a park ranger tried to stop him
You puked on the bar then proceeded to walk out. I told the bartender some girl walked up, puked and left and he gave me a free drink. Hope you got home safe.
No. You don't want this. When I threw up last night, it was so intense I went blind for about 3 seconds.
Just used the "Buddy" Poppy flower I got from a veteran to clean my one hitter. "I'm proud to be an American"
He ordered a meatball sub with a side of meatballs.
All the movies on cable here are either porn or Bollywood. I am never leaving this hotel.
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