I'm too high to be shopping. I just contemplated deoderant for fifteen minutes. Now testing pillows
if you were to get worldwide popularity from playing guitar with a plastic yellow bat while drunk on YouTube, would you hate me?
I don't know but the stairs are covered in apples
I'll just dance on top of the ping pong table, and if it's stable enough for that, then it's stable enough for sex
Ohh man do you know how awkward it is to keep eye contact and have a normal conversation with someone while their hand is in your vagina?
You could have chosen coming to fuck me over getting too hammered to drive. But you made your bed, and now you get to jack off alone in it.
I cannot be this high in this house. This house has so many of my secrets in its walls.
Ok. I am hammered I will admit it but my legacy needs to live and your the only woman that could spawn satan. We need to talk.
He told me to come in and have some water before I drove home, my vagina didn't stand a chance escaping. We didn't even make it to the kitchen.
He called us the '3 Amigos' and told us if hos ex wife came we had to jump the porch railing and hide in the bushes.
My flask has coffee in it for finals week.. So that's responsible right?
I woke up naked with a $20 bill taped to my titty, so I must of had fun.
of all the things that should kill me, scurvy wont be one of them
Not at all! I'll let your potential employer know you have a huge dick
His dog hid my thong. Let me tell you, the last thing you want during a commando mini skirt walk of shame is lots of wind. There’s a church congregation that knows all my business
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