Do they make some cleansing product for your soul? Like mouthwash that makes you not a skank? Or is that what religions for?
Eh, i think it's called sobriety. But its not fun.
ugh. people who use coupons make me wanna punch a baby.
He just walked in our room casually and said "big girls are hungry"
HOW DO YOU GET TO BE A GROWN-UP AND NOT KNOW WHAT A DECADE IS!?
my vagina is starting to think like a penis, and I'm not even slightly worried
You have to start asking people if they're gay before you kiss them..
He should know he can't successfully wrestle in pudding fully clothed. Amateur.
You fell asleep mid blowjob with my vibrator in your HAND. So no, I will not bring you pizza.
Someone explain why I'm twerking in my bathroom right now before a charity run
you ran up to the police and said "fuck the police shit we living in hell ". Then you dropped your Margarita and said "Darby Out" lol
As soon as I got there, you appeared out of no where, yelled "they're giving away free cigarettes!" in my face and then disappeared and I didn't see you the rest of the night.
I met my future wife last night. She's a bombshell from Delaware, hates Trump, and humiliated two old men in a GOP healthcare debate while simultaneously convincing them to pick up both of our bar tabs.
Became friends with a girl at work today until I realized we have the same taste in men. And I thought only I liked red-bearded fat men
Well, I just puked in the shower in case anyone wants an update on how my day is going
It's not a hangover, it's "slept on a couch with another person and said person moves a lot and is loud"
Randomize
