3:12 am: but i thought i was coming over tonight, don't fall asleep i wore new underwear
I'll write directions out on a napkin and slip it to him. Then say P.S. The UTI is gone.... that's not creepy at all right?
as evidence of my kitchen this morning my night involved alot of mustard and condoms
i have it on good authority that she is not as good at giving head as she claims she is
i guess it wasn't a booty call since he got home from the club at 6:00 am... he told me to consider it morning sex
Is all white too much for court to prove my innocents?
Aside from the fact that there's a penis in my mouth, that's a pretty good picture of me
wearing my roomate's scarf as a dress...halloween 2011 ladies and gentlemen
I'm just gonna wear a long dress with no panties today. My pussy needs a break.
she just called me the flavor packet to her ramen noodles. get me the fuck out of here.
Stoned, and eating Doritos, and reading about lesbians for class. This is the life.
I just sent a bad sext to my sister. There's not even a way to damage control this, is there?
Me and tommy were trying to figure out why our printer was jammed, found a condom stuck in the paper slot. #collegeprobs
I don't care how hot she was. She didn't like Scooby Doo and I don't fuck with that.
He casually compared computer science to childbirth and I was like "hey, as someone who has wanted to fuck you for six months now, could you please never talk about childbirth ever again"
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