there should be a rule- if you jizz on it, you wash it
If you made a robot out of pillows would he be nice? It's hard to imagine a mean pillow robot. And who came up with the idea of shaving their legs?
my coke dealer is running a Black Friday special
can you explain why there is a dead rabbit in my front seat?
idk, I had a turtle in mine.
No one showed up yet so I smoked 4:20 on chatroulette with a naked chick..
Single handedly the worst sex I've ever had just went down. Its like we both laid there after word-less thinking about the other " could they be any worse in bed" ?
I just wanted to let you know that this afternoon I took a piss at the same toliet you drank out of on New Years Eve.
She stopped mid hookup to ask me if we'd be done before Taco Bell closed.
When people ask about my bruises, I'm just going to say it was a doorknob. Or possibly a group of doorknobs. Angry doorknobs.
Yeah then she waddled like a duck in silence sat down and ate the entire paper towel roll.
Building a door into the garage so when I bring girls home my mom doesn't wake up.
Pathetic yet considerate
I was just thinking about all the dick I could catch while I am home. But then I realized I am too lazy to get out of my pjs and leave my cat.
HAVE BEEN SPEAKING IN RUSSIAN ACCENT FOR 5 HOURS
SHIRT GONE
When you trip so hard that you can see your friends thoughts through their pupils.
Vomit your little heart out. You've got a long day tomorrow
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