hey soul. what's that? you, dignity and pride are left for the night? coulda told me that before i vomited all over my mother.
I'm just gonna go nail your roommate after we break up anyway.
I basically get to watch her life fall apart via tumblr updates
I should not be in class today. For the professors sake.
I know that was a dream because I woke up and there was no pizza
The hookers weren't a dream get tested
I'm going to superglue stuart's hands into socker boppers
Girl. There is the cutest old gay here. He's approximately 100 years old and kind as shit.
I didn't punch him it was just love coming out of my fist
fries before guys. food before dudes. shakes before dates. chips before dicks. lemon bars before football stars. macaroni before screwin' tony. what i'm saying is please come to ladies' night
I'll do my best. he just keeps yelling beer and doing dick helicopters
He literally had a Trump sign in his front yard. I just can't now.
I'm sitting in my car avoiding a customer. Apparently the new year hasn't affected my attitude nor work ethic
he's smothering me... and not in the good, can you move your thigh off my face please?.. way
He put your tit in his mouth. Professionalism is out the window after that.
okay valid
Also, in case they didn’t tell you… there is a chicken living in your old room… so I would assume cleaning that is now on them
Randomize
