it sucked. he totally couldn't get it up. blamed it on never having cheated b4. Couldn't stop laughing. fuck.
Try not to bring up the fact that I woke up and couldn't find my pants... He might get the wrong idea.
you were wandering around the street for like an hour singing "nothing but socks on"..an original you wrote after the 12th shot i believe
Not quite sure what happened last night. I'll drive your dresser over to you later.....
She was like the Rudy of blow jobs... SO much effort into it
she stopped traffic so I could crutch across the street. Clubbing while crippled and drunk is different.
The usual, im laying out. Ipod on shuffle, Large spray bottle to cool myself of and a smaller one filled with chilled vodka. I can spray the vodka right in my mouth without even opening my eyes. THIS IS LIVING....
Only he would come to a strip club and talk about an internship with Walt Disney during a lap dance.
He literally chugged a bottle of wine in under 2 minutes. Stood up, said "fuck what ya heard" and stabbed the bottle into their drywall.
I'm so confused as to where the sexual euphemisms end and the drinking starts
I knew you were super hungover. But so hungover you fire our house cleaner because her vacuums too loud is excessive
I think it's time to give up this life and become vikings. You in?
"I'm a professor to university students" I say as I realize I have a nipple piercing that I have no memory of getting
ED guy's penis finally worked last night. It was a Festivus miracle!
its times like this i wish i didnt have a penis
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