dude your cousin who was wearing the skirt wasn't wearing any underwear
gross she's a slut
yea she doesn't shave either
we were dressed as cave people and he kept telling everybody i was so easy a caveman could do it.
how was your day?
fuck the small talk. are you bringing the liquor tonight or am i?
So, do you know where my left shoe is? I mean, we were at a few places last night, and I called them. No luck for me.
I'll be heading downtown with donuts and a lawn chair at 9am to go Halloween Walk o' Shame spotting.
She said i saw her in the study room, waved, disappeared, came back with a coke from god knows where, and slurred "i have a drinking problem but i ate grits"
should i be impressed or disgusted that i was spitting glow-in-the-dark?
I SHIT YOU NOT a mailman helped me leave without waking him up.
Now that I've quit blow, I think I'm allergic to my cat....
We smoked before the sunrise hike. I ended up eating a banana and singing Circle of Life as the sun rose over the horizon.
hell no. i was not wasting my two tears of virginity on him.
you know you're drunk when you start breaking down your body composition into organic molecules
I feel like I put a fire out with my hand but idk if that was a dream or not
She was gone when I unblacked out, but she had nailed her panties to the wall and wrote “Colleen’s Dick”with a sharpie on the wall. No idea where she got a hammer and nail
I sent him nudes while he is at work because I am an evil human being.
Randomize
