I have demons in me.
Fuck. I have a girl here waiting on me in my room! I told her I was going to get a drink of water... I'm in the bathroom taking a dump... I have mudd butt bad... There's NO toilet paper!!
i wanted a birthday blowjob. not a birthday VD.
You stood next to him taking HUGE gasps of air in an attempt to second hand smoke his cig because you didn't have one...
You know, it doesn't really count as a walk of shame if you guys showered together the next morning
Who is Katie and why do we have her birthday cake?
I mean, I love her. But not "I'll have a threesome with her." Type of love.
Went kayaking. drunk. DID NOT FALL IN. Mission succesful.
I'M MAKING HIKING PLANS WITH THE GIRL WHO IS DATING MY EX, THAT IS PERSONAL FUCKING GROWTH
I've really become a household name at this fraternity. Mother would be so proud.
I spent the entire party sexting people's significant others for them because they were too drunk to do it themselves. I did quite well too. I should start a business
your were asleep with people making out on top of you. you didn't even look bothered by it.
The groom's brother was an accomplishment. Then I remembered he was also the officiant. Check and check.
I didn't know that all of his brothers would be hot and musical too. That's a dick move on behalf of biology.
How have you been? I haven’t talked to you since you dyed your pubes.
Randomize
