My grandpa is talking about laundry and he asked if i could run a "small hot load." Wow. I had to leave the room.
I needed to borrow my dads nail clippers and next to it was an industrial size box of condoms if that wasnt bad enough I dropped the clippers behind the bed and discovered hundreds of used condoms
Is your delayed response due to the massive amount of judging going on?
I woke up with the wrong plaid-shirted guy in my bed.
I just used my thong as a hair tie. I think I reached my limit.
Try and take me seriously and don't look directly at my hair or the jizz on my pants.
Do you relize what downtown will be like this week? Like open season. But instead of deer its hot baseball players from all over the country that we'll never have to see again. I swear the college world series is a gift from god.
I'm pretty sure that when my parents bought me those savings bonds they thought it would go towards something useful like tuition. Not your bail.
I told you I'd buy you lunch.
It's my first ever "i'm sorry for my excessive drug use" hand turkey. And I think it's pretty boss.
No, this is a senior booty call. It cannot be ignored.
DOGS JUST TOTALLY ATE THE FEATHERS OFF MY NIPPLE CLAMPS!!!
You're the horniest male I have ever encountered
Makes it sound like you're a scientist documenting your discoveries. I warned you.
Congrats. You made me have an orgasm in Starbucks.
I sent him home with blood on his fingers and shame in his heart.
Her oh Gods turned into oh god I shouldn't be doing this I'm engaged.
Randomize
