I don't think I can get bothered with getting laid tonight
she just stood in the kitchen yelling "REAL WOMEN HAVE CURVES"
I was drunk at peters. now im drunk at my apartment. and hungry. but mcdonalds is broken. wtf
Wine smoothie.... Not as good as I thought it would be
its simple. when his lips are on my clitoris i want to marry him. when they are speaking i want to kill him.
Stage 55 clinger. not a typo. I cannot even believe this shit.
I just bedazzled my weight watchers points calculator. You can tell I'm gay.
It's like being the dunk pilot of a plane full of pornstars and drunkenness.
Dude, you chugged an entire bottle of tomato sauce and got us free drinks for the night. No way was I gonna stop you.
If I can't get slightly excited by the thought of his face between my legs then I know I can never sleep with him.
I didn't ask to see his penis, it was an ambush. Impressive though
She didn't complain to the library attendant about us being too loud. She complained after you grabbed her highlighter off the table to stir vodka into your tumbler with.
No matter how many miles separate us, I will always be here to get you through whiskey shots.
I cannot pick him out of a line up. I remember he is blonde and his half flaccid dick looks like gonzo. So unless he pulls down his pants I don't know who he is
My drunk ass is being chauffeured around like the damn queen of England
Randomize
