Hows this for an invention: a toilet that weighs your poop
how am i supposed to spank it to a shakira video when she looks like she is doing the robot?
how are pickles made is in the google history again... why do you always wonder that, and forget the answer?
You don't understand how difficult it is to give head with cotton mouth
Can I get a "hallelujah" for railing my pastors daughter last night?
Just drug him and when he wakes up be like "you just woke up from a coma, we've been married for the past five years." It'll be like the Vow but fucked up.
He is dust bro dust in the wind I waited in this unlocked car long enough.
Look. If you get me out of this speeding ticket you can bang my sister. Or my mom. But not both.
Please tell me that is you having sex in my car in my driveway and not a complete stranger.
It's meant to be, Cynthia. You, him, and your developed breasts are meant for each other.
My friend had to carry her up the steps on his shoulder, and then she got up, found an ironing board and set it up in my friend's room just in case he needed to iron things.
Apparently I blacked out and started wrestling with some dude last night. Just found out I might have dislocated his shoulder. Best part: he still wants to bone me
there is definitely a hickey on my left nipple.
Fuck you bitch. You're married. You got a live-in dick at home for your needs. I still gotta surf this shitty town's bars for cock
There’s a stripper dressed like a slutty pilgrim. Is that a thing?
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