Can't remember why I called but it definitely had something to do with Lou Bega
Stop bringing these fucking whores home with you. If I have to fight over the remote with a bleach blonde idiot wanting to watch the hills reruns one more time I'm pissing in your shampoo.
Alcoholism comes in two forms... Us.
Um....sorry for hooking up with your brother last night...
Actually i take that back. You dropped the whiskey last night and broke the bottle. Were even
sometimes i feel like my only option in life is to be drunk or be a cat. today i am drunk
as soon as I stop standing here with one leg up on my bathroom counter admiring my balls, I'm going to go tan. and then you may come over.
Tomorrow, you will get a text, and it will bE spelled right, that's me yo, certify ya soon
Here's the thing, you got road head in two different cars tonight. You feel lucky yet?
I think it's time for a new pick up line. So far my " hey you want to go back to my place, order a pizza and fuck?" Has set me at an all time low downtown 0/4
The beer shits the day after completing the World Beer Tour at Epcot are just as epic as the tour itself.
Technically, I traded a soft pretzel for sex last night...
Sitting in my car feasting on the spoils of Taco Bell as Donna Lewis croons "I love you, always forever." A more perfect moment will never exist.
I thought since you asked to see my dick I might as well say hi
I told you about the baby at the graduation party that looked into my eyes and knew I was empty inside
I was singing Colors of the Wind and swigging vodka and still felt like more of an adult.
Randomize
