And mexicans. My burrito likes you.
at this rate if someone im actually interested in likes me back im going to die of surprise before i even get to make out with them
She made a guy cry in the bar. I will have her, oh yes, I will have her..
Fuuuuck. Forgot it's October. FYI scarecrows are gonna fuck you up when you're driving high
Just went trick or treating in my kitchen. Found chocolate and scotch. Happy fucking Halloween
Biggg time. I found 2 empty packages of extenze in my car this am.... not sure what that was all about
Chose not to courtesy flush and the CEO huffed the result. I feel powerful.
He's slurring his text. I didn't think that was possible.
I'm not letting you use my bathroom unsupervised anymore. You peed in the sink thinking it was a urinal...
I got to my internship late... with a bag of chipotle and sex hair.
WHEN THE HELL DOES ANYTHING IN OUR LIVES *EVER* GO AS PLANNED???
He's smoked my weed, stolen my cigarettes, and used my campus cash, but I try to initiate sex and NOWWW he's all "As your RA, that's a line I can't cross"
Her dad had just brought down their giant American flag for 4th of July and we fucked on it. I have never been more patriotic
I dropped my slice of pineapple on the kitchen floor and was just staring at it about to cry. It was really good pineapple.
The best walk of shames are on the highway
Randomize
