So called my VP's house on Sunday drunk and told him that if he didn't hire me for the new position I would skull fuck his wife. They asked me to go home today. Thanks again Vodka
you turned your livingroom into a bong?
I owe all of my success to double stuf oreos and weed.
she was trying to give me a handjob in biology class while we were learning about the penis.
Your noise violation report contains the word "five-some"...wtf happened in here?
kicked my backpack and turned on my vibrator in the middle of class. success.
I just had my first boner in 64 days today....glad to find out my fluids are still pumpin
I want "hickeys on my ass" sex
you walked in on him eating me out and screamed SHE'LL BREAK YOUR HEART BRO before body slamming on the ground and passing out on the floor
After everything you did, you followed it with "Oh God, that's something a high person would do. But I'm not high." So yeah, you're not getting near my stash again.
So far I've taken two naps, went out and bought a pizza called the Hipster, and in 15 min I'm gonna make a snow angel. Conquering Snowlandia. How bout you?
"I'm not drinking any more tonight." As I dipped my quesadilla in a shot of tequila....then eats it
It's funny when you can't take a fishing boat because you fucked the captains wife
I am literally this close to screaming out my window if anyone nearby was down to fuck. I am too damn horny.
Nah, just stick him in a closet with some cheetos, a blunt and soda. The darkness will calm him down until Mallory can be located.
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