some kid came into the principals office and tried to explain what he was sent there for through interpretive dance.
He just made me a heart out of cocaine... i think i'm in love
They let me out of the holding cell just in time for me to get the morning-after-pill. Rock bottom feels even worse with all those hormones.
I am not apologizing for rubbing my balls on your leg...that is a risk you take when you come out to the bar with me
I Know I'm the drunk girl in the trunk right now, BUT PLEASE LISTEN TO ME!
Standing in front of the open refrigerator with a 3/4 empty bottle of wine eating Bac-o's from the jar, topless. Somebody really should've taught me better coping skills.
i can't believe you just compared my dick to leprosy
I just feel like a girl who's never eaten a pb&j probably doesn't swallow
Chill out, I'm getting ready as fast as I can. I didn't even masturbate in the shower.
Every man needs a table where they can sit and reflect on the successful penile conquests of the day.
You may now shotgun with the bride
I remeber being on the roof last night and we put our heads togeather and we touched each others face and said "Hennessyyyy"
the only thing I remember was some guy took out his fake eye to use it for beer pong
Remind me to talk to you about nipple clamps.
It’s gonna be hard being interviewed by this girl without remembering the time she showed me her nipple piercings at Dylan’s party
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