i now know how you feel when you have to walk me home. she ran into a streetlight and into garbage.
He kept starring at my ass and repeating "Its Just a beautiful piece of artwork."
I just remembered that he had fake blood all over his face last night. I woke up with it all over my dick. He was 50. Please don't judge me.
his teacher called to say he gave a girl on the playground a rock to touch his penis. proudest moment of my fatherhood
So... Really random... You know we only exist cause Dad misspelled 'perseverance', right?
haha it's ok, I asked people. I was like "I'm high and lost" and the dude just said "That's my life. Love it."
I watched Morgan Freeman explain the existence of nothing, now I'm afraid of sub - atomic particles. these egg rolls are outstanding
"What's your dick like homie" is not really an acceptable thing to say out loud
my whole checking account just had a funeral down bourban street, paid for that, and then bought everyone 5 shots of fireball...
We had sex and then stood naked in his living room eating zucchini bread.
Would love to dress up in respectable attire and take you out somewhere nice and then do disgusting crude things in public
I just woke up hand cuffed to the bar and shirtless, so yeah I think I need you to come get me.
"Why is there a bottle of Tequila taped to the fan?"
If we were unicorns we would fly together. Like in a pack. A pack of flying unicorns
Dude. So. Much. Sex. Find a girl in her 30s. Now.
Randomize
