Today let's steal peoples pets out of their backyards and leave ransom notes
On that note; HAPPY 21: THE SEQUEL from the back of an ambulance!!
He just dragged himself across the floor on his back claiming to be "the swiffer" help
We haven't said piping hot jizz in awhile... that needs to come back into our conversations
Because selling drugs to kids never goes out of business. We get older, they stay the same stupid.
Tomorrow is Have Sex and Climb A Mountain Day. We have amazing dates.
If you die first, I'm going to sleep with a pallbearer at your funeral.
Btw... when someone is licking your balls, "yeah... that's not the worst thing in the world" is not an appropriate compliment/thank you.
I need a genital shamwow being this wet.
You're officially the most high maintenance man I've ever had inside me.
As I was about to fuck him, he requested a moment of silence for Leonard Nimoy.
In going to go underground and live with the mole people for a while.
I drunkenly texted ur dad last night telling him he raised great kids hahahahaha
Apparently his version of saying "I'm Sorry" is streaking around our apartment building then asking for a blow job.....
I walked into your room and you were wearing party beads, a foam finger, and reading the dictionary. Good night?
Randomize
