My 54 year old father just sent me a YouTube link on my school email titled "Walrus sucks his own dick" and then wrote in the email "I wish I were a walrus". What the fuck is wrong with my family?
dude, I'm listening to "I believe I can fly", i'm high, and driving. this is so amazing.
She was so drunk yelling at me in my driveway to fuck her. It was the ghetto version of Romeo and Juliet.
My valentine's day: watching The Notebook, and porn, eating chocolate, and ice cream. All while jacking off.
Wow... you've managed to cover all of the sad girl stereotypes that exist.
Sex and the city 2 and twilight getting released in the same month. God hates mankind.
Oh just chilling alone with a stranger baby while everyone else clambakes the bathroom. Probation is the reason there is bad things in the world.
I sat on the toilet and peed through my jeans, then I pissed the bed and blamed him...do you think well have a 2nd date?
Trevor is horny so he just called me to tell me all the things that he would like to do with his future wife. That's a new one.
i made up my own drinking game and i took a secret shot every time someone asked me about school or my future
When you and that girl went into the bedroom, you yelled "FOR NARNIA!"
you just missed a great speech in which i almost coined the term "ass-ian" as in "my vaginal and ass-ian regions are no longer safe"
God please dont post that to facebook.
Dude. All I know is that I woke up on the floor with two naked chicks who don't speak English.
Clutch
How did your walk of shame include a trip to Walmart and how did you bump into the cop that arrested you last night there?
You looked at the bouncer while you pissed on the front door of the bar and said...who the fuck are you?
There's something about a foam party that makes freshman want to turn their lives into full blown shit shows. And I'm ok with the fact I am one of those.
Randomize
