I drank too much. My snot smells like vodka when I blow my nose.
I dont need to watch it. And stop comparing your life to Entourage.
I wish scraping a resin bowl could be considered cleaning.
I had a dream last night that I had sex with Abe Lincoln. I must stop watching the History Channel before I go to bed.
It's not a good night until someone eats a bagel covered in face mask thinking it's cream cheese
I'm thinking about wearing a strap-on just to freak him out the next time he pulls my pants off.
library dates and plan B? He is looking like a great catch.
It's raining beautiful colors and I don't know what the fuck is going on
You don't want any of I have. Seriously. Its 80 proof rum that was 8 bucks for a liter. I'm afraid
I'm sure your liver is writing out a will as we speak
HOW DO I ALWAS FIND THEM?! THERE WAS BE A SOCIETY OF SMALL PENISED MEN AND I MUST BELONG TO IT!
Send me a picture of our booze closet. I'm homesick.
Your liver needs more exercise - we start training tonight.
Just threw up in a cup driving down the road because there was cop behind me and I didn't want to pull over. Not sure if winning or failing at life.
Listen, you eat the donut. I eat you out. Everybody wins.
Theres about 23 grilled cheese sandwiches stuck to my ceiling and tomato soup all over the kitchen. You are never allowed over again. Ever.
Randomize
