so i realized that everyone figured out i was a slut before i did. then i realized that no one felt like telling me. sometimes i think you just keep me around for entertainment.
you're right.
they're making a venn diagram comparing gummi bears against gummi worms...is this what i have to sit thru to get free weed????
we can't become the bulimic house in the complex dude. Besides, you need teeth for your career.
Just got the test results back. All clean, Now whose an idiot for going bareback in South America for 3 months straight.
you were crying while pretty ricky was playing, what did you want me to do
I love how kegs are figured into our monthly bills
Sharon took in a random bleeding stranger drunker than her, named her Nicole, and is feeding her jello shots on the toilet
i must of done something right to please the booty call gods. . . maybe fucking that fat chick?
Now that there's no chance of him coming over to fuck anymore, I'm going to put up a one-person tent in my bedroom and live in it. My bed reminds me of him.
He took a girl home tonight that he was trying to sell a fridge to. She wanted a fridge and got his dick. He's got a talent.
Okay. How did someone manage to piss on TOP of a urinal? What giant is roaming around with a prick five feet from the ground?
Um went out in San Francisco last night and ignored someone hitting on me. So they bit my arm. Lmfao PLEASE TELL ME THIS ISNT THE SINGLE LIFE
I woke up naked with a duck on my head. I think something went horribly wrong.
I shouldn't have to tell you to stop throwing knives at me.
I have a cheeseburger in my purse and im going to fill her prescription for narcotics. Who thought i was responsible enough to sign her discharge papers?
Randomize
