i'm listening to "transmissions" by The Tea Party from like '97 and waxing my legs. fuck i'm awesome in my alone time
We had sex this morning and after she goes, " So are we going to do something for Valentines Day?"
dude she was givin me head and stops and looks up at me and tells me she loves me, then goes ''alright now cum in my mouth''.... pretty sure shes the one
My cab driver just texted me 'goodnight beautiful'. I think my 'desperate for a guy phase' has just moved into a fuck my life phase.
You don't have to believe me. My vagina knows it happened.
The key to alley sex is drunkeness.
hungover waitressing a bar association event. im being judged by actual judges.
You know it's been a rough year when your therapist mouth is just wide open. And I didn't even get to the real issue!
Dunno why I keep hitting snooze. It's never gonna give me the kind of sleep I need to be sober.
I'm concerned that this blind man on the bus has a boner right now
One eye has cum in it and the other has sunscreen
summertime
Although now I have "number of cheese slices" as a unit of boob measurement in my head.
I'm like a saiyan, every time I get trashed I come back stronger
while giving me head, she stopped, looked up at me smiling and said "ill never be able to look at bananas the same way again" and then went back to work.
I probably should have told her I was actually the drunkest one there before she let me pierce her ear
Randomize
