you know whats awesome about this morning. A suprise visit from my dad at 7:30 am. There was a pair of heels on the lawn and a girl sleeping in just her underwear on the floor of my living room. He either thinks im a champion or a total fuck up. I'm thinking fuck up but im hoping champion.
Oh i know my limit. 9 shots after i've given blood.
Tomorrow will not be complet unless someone eats me out. Just sayin
Someone shat in the 1st floor west girls hall. Literally SHAT in the hallway
That's what she gets for taking his peeps.
The night was going well until I found tufts of my hair in the freezer. Then I got nervous
that bitch in the red sedan is still teasing me with the ice cream cone. i'm going to show her my dick
Today's forecast is horny with strong chance of booty calls. Low of Craigslist cruising, and a high of climaxing in a stranger's bed.
Bring my gorilla suit and my bong.
Oh its going to be that type of weekend?
Where the fuck do you get consience sedatives from?
I'm currently on a bowling date with my girlfriend and her boyfriend. It's pretty fun.
I FUCKED THE WRONG FRIEND HELP ME
I can't masturbate without laughing really hard at some point and it's entirely your fault.
LMAO. Stop. Men are such gentleman these days. I woke up with no one beside me and you got 6 cents
6 cents and no orgasm 💃🏻🎉
We are so blessed
I feel like your boyfriend deserves to know that you're a lesbian.
Add tweezing eyebrows to the list of things not to do while on adderol....
Randomize
