my iphone just auto-corrected drink to drnknghhhg...
Her father's a cardiologist, her mom's a lawyer...she just went from a 5 to a 10 real quick.
on a side note you can NOT make bong water out of a pear
we ran out of cups so i finished the night drinking out of a paint can.
Housekeeping just called to see if we were okay bc they came in the room earlier and we didn't move.
Between the walk of shame, bar fight, karaoke, injuries, number of bar check-ins, and variety/quantity of alcohols and Advil consumed, I'd say HookerFest 2012 was a raging success.
I send him pictures of my tits whenever I feel like he's paying too much attention to his girlfriend.
he signed me a blank check so today i get to decide if i want to be a saint or a millionaire
I just looked into the eyes of the man whose car I peed on last night
RE-DICK-YOU-LUSSSSS
That's me emphasizing the ridiculous
Some poor guy found you passed out in a bathroom stall. Again with your dick out. Looks like you got to rage after all.
What procrastination leads to: I have submitted a third of my job applications this week with a BAC that would get me arrested
Just ate an entire BBQ chicken pizza this better go to my tits
You just can't go back to being friends with someone after you sucked their balls
I need my comforter. Pls bring it to me and drape me in it like an animal pelt. Ps I'm naked.
Randomize
