I just woke up with the words DO IT on my hand and six beers in my purse.
Dude I'm drinking a martini out of a water bottle, I've become my parents.
Using pokemon references during sexual acts is always a good idea.
I couldn't walk, so he carried me all the way home; and then I told him that I wasn't drunk enough to fuck him. Poor kid.
do you ever get flashbacks of ppl you had sex with and just shudder at how gross they were/how drunk you were?
story of my life.
i shall enjoy my approximately 2 hours of being sober today
Confirm for me that it's be a bad idea to sleep with the 50 year old that's currently hitting on me?
Also I hooked up with a trainer at my gym. Between her, the married chick, and the bartender, my life is becoming a bad porn plot.
I'm glad the dog doesn't judge me for doing leftover lines and watching George of the Jungle at 10 am
as he pulled out he yelled "no kids!" and then passed out on top of me
The only flat surface we had was a cheez it box so we snorted the blow off of that. Rock bottom really isn't that bad.
Pregnancy test = positive. Hope you still have our old guess who game 'cause daddy elimination begins now.
Ordered a pizza stoned. The guy handed me my pizza and I tried to pay him by handing him back the pizza.
You kept telling everyone that you were as sober as a camel. I have yet to figure out what that means
I'm good. But Nutella doesn't taste as good as it used to.
Randomize
