if i remember New Year's Eve then there is something seriously wrong.
You tipped the bathroom lady $20 and then yelled "IT'S YOUR LUCKY DAAAAAAAY" at her.
I awoke in a cab to find myself on a ride to niagara falls. Apparently I paid the cab driver half up front.
Next time I say "Watch this" Get me the fuck out of the bar.
He would only do it doggy style. The "he's probably gay" debate rages on...
For the record, saying you're friends with the owner doesn't work when the owner is the one throwing you out.
Our sex has gotten so much better since we broke up.
She just hopped out of the car at a red light to pet the baby Jesus in the nativity scene.
Not worth it.
Not sure. All I know is that she has a tight dark green skirt and I will not rest until I have used my teeth to rip it off of her
Just purchased ketchup, body wash, and lube. Hope you're ready for the post-memorial-day-cookout-shower-anal.
Here's the level of my committment: I'm not participating in the Olympic opening ceremonies drinking game. THIS IS SERIOUS.
It took me longer to finish the bottle of scotch we bought together on New Years than it did for her to meet a new guy and get engaged
Really though. It's your life, live it how you want
And I do mostly. Which is why I'm now drunk in my room writing erotica
I didn't even get crazy off of the coke so everything's fine. Also, I think I might have killed my aunt's dog..
I brought her cheeseburgers and tequila but she's still mad at me.
Randomize
