just prayed to lady gaga in hopes it will help me pass my fashion merchandising final...what is my life?
what has two thumbs and is going to bang you boss on monday?
His dick might not be the answer to my problems, but I'm definitely ok with testing it as a possible solution.
Have you ever straight up just taken a bite out of a block of cheese? Because it's amazing.
Fastest blow job ever. Though it was probably a good thing since we were in front of my house.
HOLY SHIT HE'S TRYING TO EAT HIS FOOT. THIS IS THE BEST DAY OF MY LIFE.
My only objective is to get drunk enough to forget the last 364 days.
You threw up? Were you ladylike while you did it? I'm wagering that you were. Like a Disney princess. Like a "Puke Me Pretty" Barbie.
Not only is he in the circus, the man survived a near death experience and has an accent. She might as well have found a unicorn. This shit just doesn't happen in real life. Where did she meet this magical creature?
So i am officially handcuffed to the pole on the party bus while taking jello shots.....this shall be an interesting night
we were the definition of too high: argued for 10 minutes about who was gonna get the condom (it was 2 feet away on the night stand) and past out watching adventure time.
Can I also remind you that we insisted on touching his mustache?
Well of course I remember it took up like 20 minutes of my night.
I just took a service station dump so foul I had to buy gas out of guilt
He's giving me the absolute bare minimum amount of attention. Like whatever motherfucker, I've had like six super likes on tinder today
dude, totally just walked home...using pizza as gloves
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