I asked my mom, she said yes...but you have to shower with grandpa.
Is it sad I memorized the exact change required for a #7 at Wendy's?
Just found 50 pesos and a coke spoon in my dads old shit. Gotta love the 70s
He was putting purell on my boobs saying "they need to be clean for later." He hadn't had a drink all night
The cab driver referred to me as his little gumdrop, im sure he won't feel the same when he sees the vomit all over his floor.
Holy shit. Do you realize what this means? Officially all of my ex-bfs are either dead or gay
i feel like his penis is a security blanet. i cant fall asleep unless its in my hand
you can't just make up for the fact that you broke up with me by tagging yourelf in my embarrassing facebook videos of you
I have the money I owe you for auctioning off your black thongs. Best 30 bucks ever spent
I like to keep a steady black out going for the holidays. I feel it makes me less cynical
I'm drunk off vodka and I haven't eaten today. I've never felt more like Kirsten Cohen in my life.
You were walking away to pee and as you were undoing your belt you looked at me and said "the belt is off. the game is on. Remever that."
I can only use one eye at a time. And if I want to listen, I have to close both of them.
i was enjoying my post acid trip trance a little too much. i found $50 on the sidewalk but didnt pick it up. just stared at the bill cuz it looked cool.
someone picked it up and i stared at the ground where it was for probably another minute or 2
I'm straight up riding in the back of my truck in a bean bag chair right now. Feet propped up and four loko in hand. Glorious.
Randomize
