It was like a secret agent hookup. No names, swift execution, get in- get out.
Party priorities: alcohol > girls > music > cups > decorations
maybe it wasnt such a good idea to pregame our lease signing...
Sorry for scaring your son with my drunken animal impressions
He threw up in the campfire, the alcohol in his puke caught on fire. Im marrying this man
I cannot be this high in this house. This house has so many of my secrets in its walls.
I don't remember much of last night. But I woke up with very apologetic texts from him this morning so apparently I didn't get laid. Which is stupid.
I took "we live within stumbling distance of the bar" as an invitation and challenge
Watching the wiggles while tripping on acid is the scariest fucking thing of all time
I woke up and found a stick of butter in my pocket. There's no butter in the house so I don't know who's it is. Using it to make cookies.
It took years to build this empire of casual fuckings and not carings.
I told her to not worry about it. Lone Star is an excellent first trimester beer.
I'm 99% sure the Indians were high for thanksgiving and we should respect that by getting high too
I rocked his world in the back of my car in an overly-lit, heavily trafficked parking lot. Middle age is amazing!
this is the fourth time i've taken my clothes off for money this year. is that normal for the average college sophomore?
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