Yeah I gave the girl a dirty look. And only a three dollar tip.
can "i'm close!" be our safe word(s)?
oh geez, wrong person.
at least he left the skimmer on the side of the pool so i could fish out my thong in the morning
you literally pushed me forward in the seat so you could puke behind my back without the cabbie noticing..
all he has to do is look at me on new years and hes getting laid. thats how hot he is
She passed out in the backyard, making "face down" snow angels ... so they could have a smile.
There's a very real possibility that I'll wake up in your uncle's driveway.
I've known you for the past two years. You never kid about biology or alcohol.
Also, I found out that my dad has the name of every boy that I've ever dated and their physical description, car type and tag number stored in his computer.
Apparently Angela went missing once and he says he learned were to look first and that it's best to have information on hand.
I received a sext from my girlfriend, and a deal for free chips and guacamole at chipotle at the same time. I have tasted heaven, and it is beautiful.
The resort was totally empty, just June and I. Which of course lead to EXCESSIVE day drinking and outdoor fucking. FYI Dominicans LOVE to watch.
Don't be offended, the only thing I'm attracted to right now is snack cakes and chicken wings.
Why is there an inflatable flamingo in the backseat of my car?
Its like he got lessons from Jesus on how to use his tongue. And his dick.
You know its awkward when your mom walks in on you and your boyfriend yelling surprise....I was scared into an orgasm
Randomize
