You smell like a Billy Joel song
was it more than 30 minutes?
ya
then you're in a relationship
when i told him i was pregnant with his baby he texted me 'congradulations'
i pity the fetus.
This smoking ban is really fucking with my ability to fart in public
You stood in front of a yellow Camaro and kept yelling at it to "Transform already!!!!".. yeah, I'd say you were pretty wasted.
Just getting around to doing laundry. Jesus there's a lot of blood on my birthday dress.
I'm also 95% sure I had a conversation with someone on how hard it would be to jerk off with out opposable thumbs
THE MIME IS MIMING TO BUST A MOVE KARAOKE. ALL MIME-RELATED EVENTS DESERVE CAPS LOCK
Sometimes I look at the people in school that are obviously very diligent and on top of their studies, and then I wonder why they don't smoke weed.
he pulled a $400 bottle of champagne out of the back part of his toiled and I was ready to blow him then and there
Who ever is in the stall next to me is crying and it sounds like they're doing massive amounts of blow too. Finals for your ass huh.
Also, thank you for letting me cry in your lap on the bathroom floor. I can't remember if I was clothed at that point, but if I wasn't, extra thank you.
You know, I think when I have a lot of free time, thats when I pick up odd lovers. Maybe keeping busy is key to not using my vagina
She can't even plan ahead to have toilet paper for her next shit
That would involve putting on clothes and I don't think I can face that right now.
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