i felt like cinderella. except at midnight i turned back into a whore.
I printed and framed a picture of a seagull shitting, and hung it in my house. I'm waiting to see how long it takes everyone to notice.
I'm still drunk from last night...I walked out for a cigarette with one of the Janitors here and apparently someone took a shit on the stairs...Which makes me wonder...was that me?
Do you ever just KNOW it's gonna be a good day? I mean, like in a "just found a Vicodin in the bottom of your purse" kinda way?
just googled chastity belt to see if it really exist..
she was talking at me constantly for like 20mins. i kept praying for a brain hernia but it kept not happening...
It was horrifying, i havent seen a girls mouth open that wide since that one episode of Goosebumps..
hey dude come in here and see how much of my beard i can put in my mouth!
My sister was crawling her way home and kept asking us to carry her,then she insisted on grabbing at our ankles til she passed out, how was your night?
She pulled me up to my feet by my hair. I thought it was you for a second. My drunken angel savior.
While I appreciate the pity sex (seriously, THANK YOU) we should not do it 3feet away from my ex when he's passed out next time. Awkward.
Anyway, all that to say that tiny penises are a hassle.
Stop thinking about me and go on your date... at least I got the glitter off your face first.
I WANNA... wait, will you kinkshame me?
Nah.
I WANNA KNOW WHAT HE SMELLS LIKE
Dude I cant right now. Were talking about pickles.
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