I think i found piece of your tooth in my dick this morning when i took a shower
Just got a call from someone claiming to be my son . How do I initiate a conversation. Tell me about the last eighteen years. And by the way who is your mom again?
My boyfriend woke me up in the middle of the night to have sex with me right before I had sex with another guy in my dream. What a unique sixth sense his penis has.
pretty sure I offered to blow her dad. she's not speaking to me & he won't stop winking at me.
I love my boobs, they're the only thing that supports me. They make me a solid 6.
Wanna hang out, and by hang out I mean go get plan B... and maybe lunch, but mostly plan b
He told me he wants to eat me out all day while I lay in bed watching football. Seems like a solid foundation for a relationship to me.
just peed on my shirt somehow, im calling it a day
So this is where people who peaked in high school come to drink?
The amount of drugs I did this weekend make me concerned about my health but at the same time fascinated to see if I could do more
"you can only have my number if you answer all the questions on this trivial pursuit card correctly"
So they found him after the wedding still dressed up in his feather boa and top hat passed out in a bush...
Thursday is not a good day to become a felon... It's bingo night
I'm running late...how do you explain period shits to your boss?
Just remember I’m your roommate with extremely questionable morals
Exactly, what could possibly go wrong
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