Hey, kurt drew a penis on you and wrote my innotals. I had nothing to do a/ that.
I hit her tiny dog with a horseshoe an hour ago. Her and her mom cried as it laid on the ground shaking. Im drunk.
We played shuffleboard at the bar last night...another sign we are getting tooooo old.
I may still return these pants. Depends how much they smell like alcohol by tmrw morning. I've already spilled once.
I will fuck him senseless, no need for a priest.
I only have one eye to read your texts because I just stabbed one out after reading that last text.
Amazing how you can get from "Merry Christmas" to sex in three texts.
I could have done it in 2
Well two things you gotta know if you're gonna live here. your alcohol tolerance is gonna need to go up, and people do blow. Get used to it. Nobody is gonna pressure you into it. That shits expensive
I drunkenly took 3 laxatives last night since I felt fat.... this is going to be a rough morning
I bet he'd be real motivational during sex. And he'd probably make you call him superman.
Had a grope session with a girl who looked like my Mom and had the same name as her as well. I think therapy is in order.
Last night turned out to be an expensive trip to your house between the ticket and the plan b. (Well I haven't gotten that yet)
Today is a shit your pants at work kinda day
You told us that you were going to become a 'new man' and threw your tv set out of a window.
I just saw your brother in some random persons yard climbing a tree. Just saying.
Probably on drugs.
Honestly cannot tell if I’m magical or really, really high.
Randomize