Im glad youre not pregnant with that New Jersey assholes baby. Your vagina would have smelled worse than Newark.
I didn't think her British accent was real until I saw how fucked up her teeth were.
You guys don't happened to be dressed as gladiators, do you?
more embarrassing than that time i showed up to class in my hoodie and leggings because i over slept, and then as i zipped my hoodie down i realized i didn't sleep with a bra on or a shirt
I should work for the FBI. Or planned parenthood.
That's quite a broad spectrum. What did you do?
I legitimately had a champagne shower last night at a rave. I was also carrying around two bananas in my pockets like guns. Drunk doesn't even. Begin to explain My night.
I know. But whatever I'll just eat cold pizza and play with my cats by candlelight
Know what the best part of waking up for work after a drinking vacation is? It's an easy question. Nothing. Nothing is the best part of that.
I think we need to dedicate ourselves to building your stamina back to uterus breaking level
Hey, thanks for not calling the cops when I answered the door naked, high as fuck, and covered in red velvet cake batter.
You need to stop telling people you gained weight over the holidays. You've been fat since July.
The only good thing about the sex was that he finally cracked the spot on my back that's been hurting.
I mean, I already saw his dick in person and wasn't impressed so why is he sending me a picture of it, anyway? I hate re-runs!
I just my had my first cup of coffee in a week. I think I might orgasm.
HIDE THE INFLATABLE PENIS
Randomize
