i woke up in his bed, he had my shirt on
and high school musical 3 was playing on his lap top
those girls across the street saw me hanging my towel off of my penis...they're coming over later
Anderson Cooper interviews Obama. It's like CNN is teasing and broadcasting my dream 3 way.
You know your from las vegas when the girl on the stage in the strip club was in my US gov class senior year
obviously my correlation between being a pro surfer and being extremely good in bed was 100% wrong.
just shottied a beer can with a pumpkin carver. i love October.
The nurse who basically saved my life just came into the store. Didn't recognize her. Awwwwkward.
I think we should roll her a welcome back, sorry your godmom's on life support blunt.
Sudden memory flashback: drunk me outside ripping my tampon out and throwing it into the neighbors yard, silently cheering 'time for sexxxx'. I sense a dangerous pattern emerging
"Clean/organize my room day" turned into "Blast my old Jock Jams cds while getting high as fuck with a strobe light day"
He ripped off his socks and ran around the basement barefoot. His feet turned black. Then he chugged Parmesan cheese. He chugged dry cheese dude.
And then after we fucked he wouldn't stop calling me "champ". It was like I had sex with an extremely attractive soccer coach
And he came by and picked me up. We cuddled in his car then had sex until... an officer doing his rounds put a spotlight on crazy haired, naked me straddling him.
Like he was inside me when I made eye contact with a police man.
I opened the door and his girlfriend was standing there; we made silent, prolonged eye contact as I quietly put on my panties and left.
please tell me you're the one making all the weird noise in the yard..
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