hook me up with the drugs dog keep up the good work
He’s a liberal pot smoker and perfect for me. He invented a game where we have to smoke a joint every time you hear a Middle Eastern accent on NPR.
her dad's the mattress king, she's genetically engineered to be good in bed
He tried to pick up a girl by telling her about his homosexual experience in high school.
my boyfriend just told me he used to have genital herpes. I was gonna have sex with him, but now it's SOOO over.
what kind of stupid fuck tells you that BEFORE sex? he is definitely not a keeper.
He just kept muttering to himself "stabby stabby stabby stabby" while we were boning. I will never be boning him again.
Grown men dancing to Spice Girls and a girl wearing one shoe. I belong here
My nephew just told me I smell like apathy and regret. Thats the hangover I'm dealing with
He was the only guy who ever made me cry..
Who, the park ranger who made you dump out your beer on the beach?
I don't mean to ruin your favorite Disney movie...but...we both came when Mufasa died.
he tried to give me his business card but gave me his health insurance card then realized it and offered to take me to the strip club
My bail money is reserved for people I either A, think were in the right, or B, have an awesome story that leads up to needing it. Just remember that before you call me.
Cooked. Eating pizza. Didn't have a napkin so I took my shirt off and I'm using it.
Me and some guy are crying in a port a potty together after another guy broke up with both of us.
He was out clubbing with his SON. WHY did you let me KISS HIM? Also WHERE WAS HIS SON?!
Randomize
