Just used the D.E.N.N.I.S system successfully.
i just looked at the calendar to see when spring break is and literally stopped eating
So...it's hour 4 of day 5 of week 7 of my internship, and so far all ive done is shred paper. all. day. long. it's like working for Enron.
I went back up to the apartment to get her phone and when I came back she was peeing on the sidewalk
I told her that I thought she needed an oral mammogram. With me being pre-med she bought it.
I would like to add..this is the first november for two years that i haven't cheated on a bf...thank you..thank you
We have sex, then we talk about foreign policy. Its a win-win.
But Alex is drunk in Philly and I told him to come see me so that's "first-love,-drunk,-high,-and-it's-a-snow-day-hook-up-with-an-ex" points. 69
I think there's an ice cream truck out back, but there's no way I can get pants on in time to catch it
I'm dipping store brand pepperoni pizza in bacon flavored ranch dressing. Obesity tastes so good.
I've decided to become a librarian so I can drunkenly quote The Mummy and have it be legit.
I'm not dropping acid and watching game of thrones with you. That just sounds like a disaster waiting to happen.
It's a long story, but I accidentally peed on my dog. I'll tell you about it tomorrow, and we shall never tell my wife.
he was almost the father of your baby, you should let him take you to dinner
If I don’t find a quality dick soon I’m going to beg the neighbor for another threesome with her and her husband. It’s like Covid killed all the quality penis Vegas normally has
Randomize
