i just got a UPS package from a name and address i dont know, with one of my thongs in it. no recollection.
I'm a big fan of 2 things right now: 1) Gatorade and 2) the fetal position
Her vagina smelled like bad decisions
you're acting like its my fault you're allergic to sperm or something.
i told you we never speak of that again
The handjob she gave me was better than the best blowjob I've ever gotten.. Just imagine the possibilities.
I know eh? If a man wants to pay 7 bucks to see some boobies he should be allowed to do so in peace.
If I threw up, how do I still have the same piece of gum in my mouth from the beginning of the night?
yea man just watch out- theres a shitload of broken glass in your bed
he tried to breastfeed my turtle
the bouncer watched the girl drop her ID, saw me pick it up and say OMG SHE LOOKS LIKE ME, and then let me use it to get into the bar
I just had the best counseling appointment lets fucking rage
you said, 'he held out his hand, that means we don't have to pay' about the taxi driver, and then asked the doorman what happened to your pants...
She rode me wearing nothing but a Santa hat. Merriest fucking Christmas!
P.s. There are few things I love more than brand new mascara and you are one of them.
And then there was cum in my hair and he was making beans.
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