cant go down on her man, her vagoo reminds me of a face hugger from aliens
he's sitting on top of the fridge in only a black speedo and wont get down
Just got roadhead while going 95. I came for a mile and a half.
just dropped my bong into 7 pieces, and carried the glass shards around my house. dad saw the blood dripping down my arms, and asked if i slit my wrists. way too high to laugh at this.
This is even worse then that time I fucked a guy just because he had air conditioning.
Guys, I'm sleeping in the BOYNTON LAUNDRY ROOM. if you can, come let me out in the morning as I have no keys. I might be in the study room possibly. DON'T FORGET. I will be trapped
Experimentation with dessert toppings followed by shower sex. Only logical progression bro.
I made him leave at 3am, he texted me a couple minutes later and said the elevator was broken and he was sleeping in there, but he said I was worth it so I don't feel guilty
By the power invested in me, I now pronounce your taco to be meaty. Meaty taco meaty taco meaty meaty meaty taco.
Threw up on the baby. National Tequila Day is the eve of National I'm A Horrible Nanny Day.
Ugh. I guess I'm crying loudly or something. My mom just came in and gave me milk, chocolate, a Xanax, and her weed "for the break up blues". Her ways of affection are so odd.
Would you mind pretending to be lesbians just for like three emails?
She said she's different now I guess anytime you get a bible tatt it automatically cancels out all the whoring you did for 10 years
Do toy wanna orseer frim onedof tjose plaves? Sry textimg with globes on
Gloves*
Out of all the words to correct, you chose gloves??
I guess I called her at 2am, demanding that she bring us food. She told us to order pizza, and I yelled "DON'T MENTION PIZZA!" I recall nothing.
Randomize
