my tampon string is in my asshole... do you think i can get it out without anyone noticing?
i'd get off the bar first.
you woke up, pulled a beer bottle out of your pants..took a drink and went back to sleep.
Hooked up with my first aid and cpr teacher last night. She dressed as a lifeguard and brought me back to life. Beat that.
Then that is decided. Fuck away my little bunny rabbit.
I got my first tattoo & injured myself while having sex in a national monument. I say we consider this weekend siezed.
leave me alone I'm becoming one with nature and doing plant things
Trust me. My dick only does selfies for you.
Just took acid. Wish me luck.
I worked out twice today and you're dropping acid. My life sucks.
They left a cherry picker with the keys in it on a college campus, what else were we supposed to do?
just hooked up with a guy ON MY CAMPUS VISIT. god only knows whats gonna happen when im actually a student
The career specialist read an Onion article to us. Please send help.
did you know that sneaking into a golf course at midnight is a felony? the cop made sure to tell us after she peed on the course and hit on him
Sorry dude, one minute I was flirting with a bachelorette party from Dallas and the next I’m being tied to the bed by the bride
Trying to wrangle us an invite to the wedding
I don’t care if there’s a pandemic. My husband gave me a hall pass for my 40th birthday and I’m going to use it!
After everything I’ve done… had sex with people off tinder, gone to clubs and bars, gone to hockey games…. I get Covid at GRANDMAS HOUSE
Randomize
