Should I tell Kevin that my finger was in his sister's ass last night?
I think i can make this amish girl legitimately hot.
Things are burning & the world smells of peanut butter. It's beautiful.
For the first time ever I'll be using my lunch break to pass out cold on my desk. We've gotta stop having these late night drinking things on Sundays
got one for peeing in public....called the cop a donut dunking communist...should be a fun court appearance
I promised myself in the hospital that I would give up drinking for however long the cast stayed on. Thank god it was only soft tissue and not a fracture.
Idk, you were a drunk pirate that kept stealing pieces of people's costumes to keep as your booty.
That would explain all the random shit in my room...
Se wrote an essay in class about proper and fashionable winter wear for dogs. Of course I regret fucking her.
I hate to stick you with the friend but I did all the work.
I'm sorry if you weren't drunk enough to be peer pressured into the naked dancing/group make out that transpired last night
I found my soulmate. Behold my idiot as we spaz into the sunset.
I downloaded the presidential playlists for offline listening. And Obama made a night one so we have presidential approved fuck jamzzzzz. Thanks Obama!
Lynn just told me "I heard about your divorce. Condoms or morning pill your choice and I'm buying". Sorry but I got plans now bro.
i woke up fully clothed with teenage dream on repeat. something is wrong with me
I have cats now. Five of them.
Have you considered starting a global domination firm?
Randomize
