Well at one point you put icyhot on your feet because you lost your shoes and it was snowing outside.
Just saw a picture of your new tub, cant wait to pee in it
she has double-d's AND she knows what level Pidgeot evolves. don't tell me she's not a keeper
I have come to the conclusion that if you don't fulfill your life ambitions you should go into porn
The bouncer was kicking me out and I put up my finger for him to wait while I chugged the rest of my drink..all he could say is "are you serious right now?"
Ok there's 63 pics of you jerking it on my camera from New Years. The time stamps say it took you 40 min to get there too. See a doc, your only 22.
all i know is there's a picture on my phone of him wearing my purple sweatpants and licking the bottom of my foot.
I heard the bride mutter "I should have brought a fucking tranquilizer". I'm not at all surprised that you got banned from the bar afterwards.
Do you hit a new low in life when you have to carry around a puke bag in your purse when you're hungover?
You rinsed the beer pong ball off in my White Russian
My uber driver just told me I smell like fun...still drunk at 7 am
He's gonna do me a solid for doing her a solid. It's like pay it foward. But with sex.
We are no longer allowed to make spur of the moment decisions about our love lives
ABSOLUTELY NOT
She couldn't find her toothbrush so I had to wait while she sucked on the 12 peppermints she found under the couch. Pretty resourceful for her level of intoxication.
She thinks I cheated on her 10 years ago in a past life lmao
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