Def slept AT the bar last night, wow that's a first!
Those strippers last night smelled great. It was the perfect mixture of vanilla and daddy issues.
i woke up to her playing with my penis. just wiggling it around and around. awkward night? i would say so.
This morning I saw a frozen puddle in front of my RA's door and I laughed, assuming someone poured water in hopes that she would slip and fall. That's when my roommate told me I had peed there last night. Thank you Captain Morgan!
At what point should shame kick in? Realising I had a one night stand with a man engaged or realising I am that man's wedding photographer?
Do you know how awkward it is to call the bar from last night and ask if they found my leggings?
I just had a heart to heart with a stripper I'm becoming a dentist.
I do remember getting hit in the face by an ugly one because she thought I was blowing on her butthole.
How the hell did he get a boner in that type of situation?
Just came during my obgyn appt. I need to get laid.
Some daaay... Bet your bottom dollar that some daaay you'll do that mollyyyy
the bride at the wedding we just crashed said we can stay only if we strip for her. You need to get down here
I'm scared to touch anything in this apartment. Even the ceiling.
I woke up only wearing a Breaking Bad "Los Pollos Hermanos" apron he got from Loot Crate next to a 3 empty bottles of Zima,Jolly Ranchers, and a jar of coconut oil. Fernet is one hell of a party starter
I saved a sauce packet from taco bell that said "Free me" to use in my next break up.
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