I got everything I ever gave her back, every picture, and money for the dog. I didn't want it she brought it all back and gave it to me. clothes jackets, pictures, dried flowers, ear rings, necklace...
Sell it on ebay and let's go to the bar
So I think his penis grew over the weekend. Is that possible or does absence make the dick grow longer?
She just tagged pictures of you wrapped in the "above the influence banner" like a toga.
It's not quite a landing strip... It's more like a soul patch for my vagina.
How dare you. Idk what you called me, and neither does google translate, but you better take it back.
Do you know how disconcerting it is to hear the sound a dog makes while it drinks water and find out that it's someone eating you out?
But he does seem to be getting proper humping etiquette down. So there's progress.
Names, who you're caught in bed with, both minor details
I was just wicked nice to a telemarketer... that's how stoned this woman got me.
GO RIDE HIS EYEBROWS INTO THE SUNSET
If my plane goes down do me a favor. Break into my house and get the batman costume and swing out of my bedroom.
Shit is getting real. I just adjusted my search radius for my dating profile to ANY FUCKING WHERE
Just got drunk at the Cheesecake Factory again. Made me think of you.
That's the nicest thing anyone's ever said to me.
wait. i have to tell u something. and it has nothing to do with dildos or spiders
dude, where did you go? french fries taste like numbers
Randomize
